Those teachings of Jesus concerning extreme pacifism were certainly drilled into us, both at church and in the Sunday school. We were admonished to not be belligerent, not be aggressive, to not be violent. We took those lessons to heart, believing them to be true, even though we all knew that we were quite deficient in always following that biblical wisdom. Mathew 5: 39-42. “But I say, don’t resist an evil person! If you are slapped on the right cheek turn the other, too. If you are ordered to court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow.” Mathew 18: 21-22. Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No!” Jesus replied, “Seventy times seven!” In like manner, during the last century, we have deeply admired the efforts of Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King to achieve social justice through non-violent means. There seemed little doubt in our morality systems that this extreme pacifism was the only way we could achieve peaceful human societies, even though we were woefully deficient in behaving in that manner.
It has taken me a long time in life to realize that this woeful deficiency is not just in our personal poor behavior, in that we fail to live up to our morals. It is also that this philosophy of extreme pacifism is morally deficient. It seems rather clear that violence is not the answer to achieve stable nurturing societies. Violence only breeds more violence, more anger, more drive to seek retribution and revenge. It also has become clear to me that extreme pacifism is just as terrible a guide to human interaction. If those who are violent and callous are not called to answer for their misdeeds, all the rest of us get walked on. A lack of resistance to violence also only breeds further violence. Neither extreme of violence or pacifism is the answer to creating human societies of mutual respect and trust. The answer is somewhere in between. The sociologists call it a game of tit for tat. Always seek to be friendly and cooperative with others during your first encounter. If your friendly offers are met with betrayal and/or hostility, withdraw and do not offer further. If you are the subject of violence from other humans, respond with enough force to let them know that this behavior will not be tolerated. Only offer further cooperation and friendliness when you are convinced that the terrorist who is out to hurt you or kill you has truly learned his or her lesson.
In common parlance, it is called tough love. We should always show respect and love towards all other humans, but that love sometimes requires harsh criticism, withdrawal and refusal, or outright resistance. We are not very good at tough love, as yet. We still respond to violence with our own violence. We still fight bloody wars in order to satisfy greed, and kill because of grievances taught by our religions and our ancestors. In my practice, I see patients brought in weighing 500 or more pounds, unable to move off the bed or stretcher because of their weight, suffering ulcers, bedsores, heart disease, diabetes, and respiratory distress. None of them would be that way if they did not have a facilitator, who brings them more food than they need, and does not know how to say no. We see willful teens, who throw fits when they do not get what they want, because their parents do not know when to say no. Our children, who want everything and every freedom, are simply asking for us, as parents, to set their fences. In our clinic, we see patients in chronic pain, who have been given a steady supply of narcotics by other providers, without pain contracts, without drug screens, and without a valid reason for those narcotics established in the chart. Those other providers have not been able to question that need. When some of these same patients violate their pain contracts, they are mystified as to why we will not continue to give them narcotics. No one has taught them that this bad behavior is not acceptable.
In my opinion, our human societies have not become more nurturing, more sustaining, more fulfilling, more stable, without some form of aggressive pacifism. Hitler was wrong and Jesus was also just as wrong. If we are to create a population of humans who can live on the face of this earth in peace, it will have to come through the direction of some form of tough love. We pray for that strength, to resist greed and anger mightily, to resist striking back in violence, but to defend ourselves when we have to do so. In my opinion, peace and happiness will not be achieved in human societies without a whole lot of tough love.