Last month’s essay was a biography of my education and work history, leading me to the beliefs that I now possess. Have I been ethical throughout that long history of interaction with other humans? Not by a long shot. I have committed so many grievous errors, year by year, that they pile up and erupt out of my subconscious mind at unexpected times. I often awaken during the night, hurting all over again, reliving my past failures. I have shown ignorance, committed the sins of laziness, egotism, infidelity. I have shown timidity when I should have spoken out bravely against injustice. I have not shown compassion and courage, when others depended on me. I have not faced my wives with honesty, when that is what they deserved. I have deserted my children at times they needed me, because I was instead fulfilling personal desires. I have failed so many different ways, I cannot count them all.
I can’t remember all the myriad ways I have failed to fulfill my obligations, or show respect to other persons. I now have 91 years of almost daily doing things I should not have done. I keep all those painful failures stuffed down deep in my subconscious mind, trying to show the rest of the world I am a decent person. But every day, at unexpected times, one or more of these failures pops up through my defenses, and hurts like sin. If all of them came back to memory at once, I would probably collapse to the floor, writhing in pain, struggling to breathe. But that is not how we get through life, is it? We can’t live in the past, suffering from all our failures. We get through life by always moving forward, trying our best to learn from our experiences, showing dedication to work, empathy for other life, courage in the face of injustice, trying to find ways to give back to others and our communities, to make up for for our past grievous mistakes.
Our human societies consist not only of those who recognize their ethical failures, and are humiliated by them each day. Our society also contains large segments of humans who always find justification for their past misdeeds, placing the blame on someone or something else, never much motivated to be a better person. And there are the worst of the worst, the psychopaths, who cannot feel the pain of others, who kill and torture without remorse, whose amygdalas never light up when others are suffering, who see the pain and loss of others as an opportunity for personal gain. The killing and destruction of Ukrainian civilization at the hands of Vladimir Putin are pure evil, but he does not see that evil. He only sees Ukraine as a weak nation, not protected, available to increase his power and control over other people. He creates that hell on earth without remorse. The bell-shaped curve is everywhere, showing a wide range of human neurologic systems, and a full array of emotional response to the suffering of other life.
I despair that the human species will develop sufficiently mature neurologic systems in time to survive as a species. Graft, bribery and corruption are everywhere, even among developed democratic nations. Idealogic hatred toward America is shouted with fiery determination in Iran. White supremacists deny valid election results, try to overthrow the established democratic government, in order to establish their own racist control of the population. Republican lawmakers are blind to the endemic racism and inequality of opportunity that still exists in America. Mentally tormented individuals continue their gun massacres of our children, students and innocent populations. Automatic weapon toting separatists attack power stations, wishing to cause chaos, so they can assume control. Christian nations do not see their own depravity in wanting to control all other nations, around the world. Psychopath Putin is hell bent on destroying the infrastructure of Ukraine, eliminating their population, through starvation, deprivation, killing, or stealing their children, until that nation has nothing left with which to resist. His troops will then walk in and take over. Western and European nations do not yet realize that Putin will not stop until a stronger force makes him stop. It will take everything they have, and they have not yet made that commitment . Central American countries have deteriorated into corruption, gang controlled failing societies. Human population on the planet earth is burgeoning, causing fights for survival, massive immigrations and massive areas of food deprivation. Large areas of human population are covered by breath choking smog. Spilled poisons contaminate the ground and water in multiple states. Our oceans are being used as plastic garbage dumps. Global warming is causing hurricanes, violent storms, tornados, severe droughts, crop failures, human famine.
When do we put a stop to this madness? When do we start showing respect for all other humans, rather than seeing a sea of enemies? When do we put an end to our human population explosion? When do we stop using fossil fuels? When do we start treating our only home, planet earth, with the deepest respect? When do we stand up to graft and corruption? When do we give human dignity a higher priority than monetary profit? When do we stand up to destructive psychopaths?
I don’t know. I am deeply afraid it is not going to happen in time. I sure hope I am wrong.